


hashtag deodorant and juice

by saltysfeathers (saltyfeathers)



Series: hashtag relatable [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Domestic, FAFFING ABOUT??!, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 07:56:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3684288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltyfeathers/pseuds/saltysfeathers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the one with deodorant and juice. </p><p>this fic is not sponsored by oasis greenergy, although if they want to send me some of the royalties, hmu.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hashtag deodorant and juice

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to the series that i thought was so amazing i created a pseud just to post it under
> 
> any proper capitalization or grammar can be blamed on ms word

They’re rushing to get to the store, and Dean realizes way too late that he’s out of deodorant.  Now, normally he’d just shrug because, as sam puts it, he’s a disgusting HEATHEN, but since he’s now kinda sorta totally boning cas on the reg he has to do that thing where he looks presentable at least half the time, or at least when they’re out in public together.

He uses the kind of deodorant that says things about being a MAN on the casing because apparently MANLY deodorants use, like, the blood of their enemies in their recipes or something. Whatever, dean doesn’t know the score he just uses the fucking stuff.

His only options seem to be sams or cas’ because he’s the kind of fuck up who doesn’t buy extra deodorant, and while dean loves his brother a lot he doesn’t really wanna put sams armpits on his armpits, especially since sam sweats like six gallons every day. He has sex with cas a lot but that doesn’t necessarily translate to wanting pit on pit action, but it’s the lesser of two evils. He goes for the deo, and it’s not the same as his, a lot less manly man smell and maybe citrusy??? It’ll do.

cas beats dean to the impala which almost NEVER happens and he’s immediately suspicious when dean walks out. “where were you?” he asks, squinting.

Dean wraps an arm around cas’ shoulders and kisses him gross and sloppy on the cheek.  “nowhere”

The problem with deodorant though is that it exists for a reason and it takes cas maybe two seconds to (literally) sniff it out. “are you wearing my deodorant?” he asks, and hes grinning a shit eating grin like a little shit eater. “all those germs, dean. you hate germs.”

“yeah well I kiss your dirty mouth every day” dean grumbles, and cas kisses him to prove his point and for like one point zero six seconds dean thinks about all the fucking germs probably hanging around in that mouth and then remembers oh wait yeah im totally in love with this guy who the fuck cares. fuck the germs.

 

_[spongebob squarepants narrator voice] One Eternity Later…_

 

after not doing unspeakable things in the impala because they’re totally responsible adults, dean and cas finally make it to the store, and promptly start arguing about juice. It takes them like twenty minutes to get to the juice aisle, and the whole time its like a damn getting ready to burst, bc dean and cas always argue about the dumbest shit, including what goddam juice to buy. cas is a freak who likes pulp, and dean swears if he ever drinks a single sip of pulpy orange juice, he’ll tie all of cas’ socks into knots, so hopefully you can understand the stalemate here.

“we can just get both” cas says, very reasonably, but there’s a challenge lurking beneath his words because dean and cas can’t just do things like normal people.

“we could get no orange juice at all” dean says just as reasonably, and there’s also a challenge lurking under his words because he’s responding to cas’ lurking challenge.

cas squints. “yes………………….” he says, and if he had a mustache he’d probably be twirling it like a villain in a western, except dean is the damsel in distress he’s going to tie to the train tracks.

they end up in the juice aisle, and it always look way bigger than it is because dean and cas are big baby drama queens in love. There’s like fifty different kinds of orange juice (dean swears, okay sam? fuck off. stop laughing, sam, I mean it) and the world turns widescreen for a hot second as dean and cas stare at each other like they’re about to battle on an episode of pokemon.

Dean reaches for his preferred jug of orange juice, and cas reaches for his, both of them at the same time, making eye contact, and frankly weirding the fuck out of every shopper who passes them by. It sucks for all the customers who are patiently and no so waiting for their turn in the orange juice section.

“the pulp is important” cas insists loftily. “it’s the true essence of the orange.”

“essence my ass,” dean retorts. “it tastes like im drinking mashed up paper towel.”

“youre not, though. youre drinking orange.”

“if I wanted to eat an orange, id eat an orange. But since I _don’t_ , I drink orange juice.”

“the two aren’t mutually exclusive, dean.”

“that’s not what this is about, cas!!”

“youre going to get scurvy and die and then ill be able to drink all the pulpy orange juice I want.”  cas smirks as he places the juice in their cart. Dean puts his juice in the cart, right next to cas’, and they glare at each other.

“if I didn’t feel bad for the schmuck who had to clean it up id pour pulpy orange juice all over your head.”

“would you, dean?” cas takes a step forward, tilting his head way more dangerously than should ever be needed in the dairy section of a grocery store. “would you?”

“oh my GOD” a rando groans from somewhere behind them, “get a ROOM you two, jesus, I have shit to do today and I want my oasis greenergy smoothie.”

dean plucks an oasis greenergy smoothie off the shelf and plops it in the guy’s cart.

“have fun drinking something with a name that came out of a dog’s butt,” dean snaps, then pedals their cart away with as much dignity as he can, which really isn’t very much because they just called out by a guy who drinks oasis greenergy smoothies.

“this isn’t over,” he hisses at cas.

And indeed, it isn’t.

They don’t even get inside the bunker before dean and cas are running around out front, whipping their preferred jugs of orange juice at each other.

“hope you enjoy the SMOOTH TASTE of NO PULP, ASSHOLE,” dean yells way too loud, arcing his stream of juice so that a big splat of it lands right on Cas’ forehead.

It drips down into cas’ face and into his eyelashes, but it doesn’t stop him from charging at dean, literally jumping the last foot or so and tackling him to the ground. He straddles dean and looks fucking TERRIFYING, the sun illuminating him from behind, casting him and his jug of pure evil into shadow.

“uncle?” he offers dean quietly, triumphant. the smirk drives dean up the _fucking_ wall.  

“I’ll take my death,” he says, “I accept my f-”

And them sam walks outside, having been able to hear them from INSIDE however many feet of concrete thick the bunker is, and has to witness his brother’s boyfriend sitting on top of said brother, pouring an entire carton of orange juice into his face. They don’t even notice him because then like two seconds after cas empties his jug they’re kissing and sam fucking gives up and retreats back inside.

Dean licks his lips, grimacing at the texture of the pulp.

“you damn well better lock that sock drawer up tonight, dude.”


End file.
